I remember well the first time I used a camera. My 5th grade class was going on a field trip to a local amusement park and my grandfather gave me a small instamatic to use. He told me to "document my day" and to "save the memories".
The camera felt "right" in my hands - I don't know how else to explain it. I found it mesmerizing that I could capture what I was seeing and have it stay around for all time - keeping that memory fresh in my mind.
My favorite photo I took that day was when I was standing across a small lake at the park looking back at the area where the rides were. Several of my classmates were standing in line waiting impatiently for their turn on the ride while another group of kids was coming off the ride right next to them - faces full of excitement and wonder. All of this was beautifully reflected in the waters of the lake in the late afternoon sun. I couldn't believe I had taken that photo (when the film was developed of course) and my grandfather assured me it was a good shot. Unfortunately I have no idea where the photo is today but the memory of taking the photo and what it looked like are as clear in my mind now as it was way back then.
I played around with the little instamatic for a few years but never took it seriously. I was more into capturing humiliating moments of my classmates than creating "art" (future paparazzi??). I kind of thought of the camera as a gimmick and never again during that time captured a shot like the one on my 5th grade field trip.
Later, after high school and some college, I got married & raised a family. Camera's became only something I avoided (I am NOT photogenic myself) or used to snap quick moments of my kids. I had no time and no money to invest in how to properly learn to use a camera and get decent equipment. I was still using whatever little instamatic I could afford and constantly searching for the cheapest developer of film.
Several years later I was in Maine when I happened upon a 35mm camera just sitting on a lounge chair by a pool. Of course I turned it in for lost and found but I took a good long look at it - it was the first time I had ever even held a 35mm camera. It felt good - maybe even better than that first instamatic did so many years ago. Surprisingly nobody ever claimed the camera and I ended up having my very first 35mm. It wasn't a good one - not much more than an instamatic, but there it was - all mine. I gave my name & address and asked to be contacted me if anyone every asked about a camera being found - they never did. It was as if it was just left there intentionally for me to find.
The first obstacle was learning how to load the film - this was a nightmare for someone as clumsy and impatient as I am. The second obstacle was having the money to buy film and deal with decent developing. We never had much money and photos were a luxury for me. But there I was - in the beautiful state of Maine where some of the best scenery in the world exists and I had my first semi-real camera. I began to shoot and never really looked back.
I never studied photography in a classroom - just read a few books on the subject. I never considered myself ever becoming a "real" photographer or showing my work to others in any form. I didn't plan my shoots and I tended to focus on obvious every day things around me that I found beauty in. In other words, I just took photos that I liked not worrying about whether or not anyone else would ever see them.
About the same time period I found the camera - I got online. I started learning graphic design, web design and digital art. I quickly became consumed with other's photographs. I loved the ability to browse through the internet to find so many various styles of photography. It was nice to be able to find the photos of some of my favorite photographers: Linda McCartney, Annie Leibovitz , Ansel Adams, Dorothea Lange, Mathew Brady - and view them at my leisure from my home - constantly being amazed and inspired by their different styles and bodies of work.
Then in 2001 I got my first digital camera and my whole world was rocked. Now I didn't have to worry about developing fees. I could see my photos immediately and get that sense of instant gratification that so many of us in today's world crave.
I became obsessed.
Since then I've taken over 5000 digital photos (countless others went the way of the recycle bin on my desktop) and I no longer have any qualms about throwing the shots I have up for anyone to view. I admit, I don't self-edit enough, but then again - I'm still not a "real" photographer. After all these years I simply still take photos I like and don't worry about whether or not anyone else will see them. I'm just not afraid to throw it out there - just in case there is some young 5th grader whose grandfather gave them a camera - and maybe, just maybe, they'll find some inspiration in my photos. If I can accomplish that much - I'll finally be a "real" photographer.
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